Screw STDs
June 22, 2008I’d originally floated the idea of making postcards for Save The Dates and after mocking up a version that looked relatively classy I went and bought a Gocco. This means no more postcards. However, it does not mean no more Save The Dates (horribly abbreviated to STDs).
But there’s one little problem: I don’t have people’s mailing addresses. We’re talking about folks who move every year or two and can’t really be pencilled into an address book. And really, who has an address book anyways? (The answer to that questions is ‘My fiance’. He bought an address book a few years ago and is pretty good at filling it out. I just rely on Gmail’s search functionality).
Yeah, so I had to go and ask my friends for their addresses, which was sort of awkward. Fortunately, I am funny and was able to send this email:
[Name of Future Husband] and I are getting married on October 15, 2008.
In California.
Where it is sunny and beautiful (and usually about 65 degrees during mid-October days, but really freaking cold at night so we have to rent heat lamps!).
We’d like you to come to the wedding.
We will even send you an STD.
That means Save the Date.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
But there’s a problem.
I don’t feel like trying to find all of your addresses on Facebook.
Also, some of you happen to believe in privacy.
When it comes to the Internet at least, because we all know that [name of oversharing friend] does not know the meaning of TMI.
So, you should send me your address.
Also, let me know if you’ve secretly been dating someone for the last six months so that I can write ‘and guest’ on your invitation.
And if you happen to be super-awesome at making origami birds, that would also be nice to share.
Not that this wedding will involve origami birds and potentially invoke memories of reading Sadako Sasaki and the Thousand Paper Cranes.
I’m just looking at options.
Save the Dates will go out in the next week and I’ve already looked in to flights from [city] to San Francisco and they’re as low as $170.
I am not kidding about that.
A round trip flight for 30 bucks more than a barrel of oil.
I know, [friend in Michigan] does not live in [city that is cooler than Michigan]. Sorry.
I’m going to get back to figuring out wedding things (like how many shuttles we’ll need to rent because we’re going to have an open beer/wine bar).
Send me your address!
-Bride To Be
Things to remember: anyone you send a Save The Date to you must invite to the wedding, so be judicious in your STD-spreading.
Categories: Save the Dates | 3 Comments »
Garters, who needs ‘em?
April 13, 2008When I think about garters I think “Do I want a lace-covered rubber band wrapped around my thigh for the duration of my wedding ceremony, only to be removed publicly?”
Uh, no. I don’t need my brand-new-groom to symbolically deflower me in front of the wedding guests. Aside from giving everyone a weirdly intimate indication of what might happen later that night, garters are useless.
Unless they hold a flask or wallet. Then garters are freaking awesome. Except that I don’t plan on being trashed at my wedding. And sorry, girlfriends who I love but am not asking to be bridesmaids, I’m not getting these for you either. So when would I have a chance to use this incredible device?
Maybe for baseball games? Can you imagine how much money you’d save if instead of buying $8.00 beers at the Giants game you brought a flask or two of whiskey? We’re talking about hundreds of dollars in savings if you switch to rum and cokes. Now that’s an accessory I can believe in.
If you’re a Bay Area Bride, you can pick up a garter flask at Dollhouse Bettie (home of crazy-enormous panties I hope to never wear) or Mingle, those of you who don’t live here in the land of protests can stop by the online Juliette Garter Shop.
Categories: Wedding Accessories, Bachelorette Party | 17 Comments »
Silver Marriage Certificate Holder
February 4, 2008Ever since seeing this post about Ketubot on Wedding Bee, I’ve been wishing that my culture had some sort of gorgeous piece of art that symbolized and spelled out the commitment that my fiance and I will make to eachother come late 2008.
Unfortunately, the nearest I’ve found is this certificate holder from Weddings by Dezign:
I know that it is shaped so that it can hold your rolled-up marriage certificate, but all I can do is picture it sitting on someone’s mantle next to the urn holding dear aunt Eunice.
Perhaps a better name for this site would have been MorbidWeddingCrap.com. No matter, if you’re looking for a way to forever preserve your marriage certificate in a manner that I find both tacky and creepy, you can pick up one of these scroll-holders for just $20.45 at Weddings by Dezign.
Categories: Wedding Accessories | 12 Comments »
Application Fees
January 21, 2008I’m in the process of tracking down wedding locations. I don’t need to tell you how much it sucks. You know. You also know that these places are charging insane rates. Oh, I’m not talking about rental rates (I understand that 200 people can wreak havoc on lawns and gardens), I’m talking about application fees.
Yes, application fees. The non-refundable fees that locations charge you regardless of whether or not you actually get to hold your wedding at that location. I mulled this over for a while, pondering the other application fees I’ve encountered in my life, the ones for Grad School and College. And…oh, hey! It turns out that my application fees have been limited to applying to enter a school. Those fees are about $50 for each school. This makes sense because universities spend a lot of time and money trying to figure out who best to select for their incoming classes. There are steps like essay-reading and document-confirmation and meetings. Oh Lord, the meetings.
And then there are wedding locations. I’m going to start entering on this page the ones that I find ridiculous. Insane. Unbelievable. Let’s start with the gorgeous Los Altos History Museum.
Los Altos History Museum
This place is “A Community Jewel” and it comes with a price tag to match. The wedding rental rate (for 8 hours on a Saturday) is $4,000. Maybe you are choking right now. Maybe you are laughing about how cheap that is. I choked. Just a little. But the fee wasn’t the kicker because there are a lot of fantastic things included in the day (docent-led tours of the museum, bridal-changing room, chairs, “use of restrooms” [yes, that is a quote], etc.). And the $1,000 refundable deposit didn’t shock me either. After all, it is a gorgeous historic place and if your guests can’t respect it you need to pony up.
What made me gasp with disbelief was the $500.00 non-refundable application fee. $500.00 freaking dollars. Holy crap! Can you imagine if colleges charged 12.5% of the tuition as the application fee? The non-refundable application fee?
If there’s anything that’s really made me sick in this whole wedding-planning journey, it is the amount of deceit and backhandedness I’ve seen in the industry. Maybe I expect a little too much good from the human race. Or maybe I just expect people to have the decency to create rental schedules that actually work.
Dear potential wedding locations: please have the decency to charge me a sensible application fee. I’d never balk at $50 (hey, I know that somebody’s got to pay for that receptionist and the photocopying), but charging $500.00 that doesn’t go toward my rental and I’ll never see again? You obviously need to get a better administrator on board.
Categories: Wedding Receptions | 11 Comments »
Facebooking Your Wedding
January 11, 2008I didn’t know what a face book was until I met my now-fiance. I was checking out the books and binders at his house and one of them had the photos of every student in his freshman class at his east coast liberal arts college.
“Is this your yearbook?” I asked, confused.
“No, it is a face book. Basically, you can flip through this and figure out who you want to date.”
“Ah.” I was intrigued. And jealous. Why didn’t my college have one of these things? My freshman class was only 650 students, so this could have been accomplished with little difficulty or cost. Looking back I realize that at 18 a lot of guys still look they’re in the midst of puberty, so maybe this isn’t the best idea in the world.
Of course, now the innocence is gone. Now I’m in Facebook and being bombarded with ads (Get some Save the Date magnets! Have you hired a photographer? Here’s some boudoir wear! [seriously, lingerie on Facebook. Ew]), including one that really, really wants me to bare my wedding soul to my Facebook contacts:
Uh, no thanks. Every time I see one of those on a profile I take a look at the countdown and can’t help but think of a prison sentence.
This might have something to do with the fact that I recently visited Alcatraz. Or it might have something to do with the fact that I am going to a bridal show tomorrow. In Portland. Sober.
Wish me luck.
Categories: Weddings 2.0 | 9 Comments »