Obsessed with Divorce
December 14, 2007
I hope I’m not the only bride to be in the world obsessed with divorce. But I don’t have engaged friends and really, how do you bring up the issue of divorce with other engaged people with whom you’re only superficially affiliated? Hmmm?
Part of the sudden fascination arises from the sad fact that Dear Fiance and I are each children of divorced parents and having experienced that we really, really, really do not ever want to be divorced. My own parents have each been divorced twice (for a total of three divorces - that’s some tricky math). So, part of our several years of living together before getting married was to make sure that this was something we really wanted, not just the fulfillment of some societal expectation that two people who like eachother a lot should eventually live together and start making some babies.
But back to that divorce thing. Since divorce has become so common, a lot of folks have starting sending out divorce announcements (I recommend the designer linen papers from Vera Wang - lovely!) and having divorce parties and pretty much doing the wedding thing all over again.
With one vital exception: the registry.
As a person who already owns a KitchenAid mixer and her ideal coffee maker (a Keurig - it is the awesomeness), I find the prospect of a wedding registry sort of weird. And uncomfortable. I’ll be close to 30 when I marry and the only thing I’ll lack at that time is fancy dinnerware. But, do I want to haul around fancy dinnerware for years? Not really. And if I lived as an avid cook and baker for 8 years without a certain piece of enamelware, I can probably go without it now too.
But a divorce registry? Now, that makes perfect sense! Here’s the how (and the why) of making one:
- Wait until your divorce is final (And I really mean final. You are not allowed to have a Separation Registry, that is cheating.) and your formerly beloved has departed with your collapsible colander, dutch oven, and Spode Christmas gear.
- Go to your favorite stores and have a ball with that zapper gun. Do not, under an circumstances, go to the Crate and Barrel couples wedding mornings with the waffles and mimosas. Waffles and mimosas might seems like a bright idea, but do you want to get trashed at Crate and Barrel surrounded by a bunch of recently engaged neo-Yuppies? No, you do not.
- Have a party. Seriously, were you going to straight up ask people for presents without throwing a party? How tacky.
- On the invitations to the party, mention your registry. Yes, this goes against all wedding etiquette, but this is a divorce folks, it isn’t as though you’re going to have a divorce website (unless you count a Match.com profile as a divorce website, which may be accurate in a variety of cases). Possible invitation wording is as follows:
You are cordially invited to join
Jeanne Marie Buchanan
celebrate her divorce from
Marcus James SmithPlease join the happy divorcee on
Fourteenth of January
Two Thousand and Eight
for cocktails
followed by dinner and dancing
with hot young menAppropriate gifts
For this momentous occasion
Are welcome.
Ms. Buchanan is registered at
Design Within Reach
Pottery Barn
and
Crate and Barrel
And now, I’m off to try on wedding dresses. Wish me luck.
Topics: Divorce, Gift Registry |
December 15th, 2007 at 1:50 am
Welcome back. If it helps at all the oft-quoted “half of all marriages fail” is totally bogus. It’s around 36% and has been declining for the last 40 years. Statistically, your chances are much better than your parents were. The personal application depends on you and your circumstances, but you have a good shot at having a long happy life together if you’re willing to take it.
ps- Sorry if I already asked, but where in Oregon are you from?
December 15th, 2007 at 1:51 am
Oops, 20 years. I don’t know where I got the 40 from. Also, if you guys are college graduates your chances are even better.
December 15th, 2007 at 11:25 am
Hilarious! I also think that registries are weird…kind of like making a Christmas toy list when you are a kid…but for everyone you know.
December 15th, 2007 at 11:30 am
My parents were really, really young when they got married, so I’ve got my elderly nature on my side.
I’m from the countryside of Oregon, about 30 miles south of Portland. The closest town (and where I went to school) is Woodburn, but when I go there I get lost.
Last night a friend reminded me that it would be nice to have matching plates and silverware. On that I agree.
December 15th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
I got married at Settlemeier House in August
And yeah, I still troll for wedding garbage being mocked.
Matching plates are good, but since we had enough setting cobbled together from our previous lives we decided to draw the line somewhere. Hopefully our marriage isn’t doomed.
December 17th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I threw a party when I divorced. I didn’t think of a registry — but then I didn’t have one with the wedding, either. (Nor my second wedding, which happened several years after the divorce.)
The theme of the party was “Break Free”, and I asked all invitees to bring either a bottle for my liquor cabinet (aka the end of the kitchen counter) or a tool for the toolbox, since the tools all went with the too– nah, cheap shot. Since the tools all went with the ex.
We had a great time. And this marriage? This one’s for keeps.
December 19th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
When my parents got engaged they were in they were divorcees in their mid thirties with no plans to register. My paternal grandmother explained to my mother she had also chosen not o register (registeries weren’t as common in those days and she thought it was tacky). When she married my grandfather she recieved 37 candy dishes. Seriously. My grandmother pointed out that a lot of the same people would be coming to my parents wedding. My mother only got 3 candy dishes for her wedding.
My half sister who is from my mother’s first marriage had similar feelings when she married her husband 7 years ago. Anyone who knew them coudld tell her that this was ridiculous (they’re made for each). But it was ceratinly on her mind.
December 22nd, 2007 at 3:39 am
Abi, Abi, Abi, being the avid HER fan that I am, I decided to venture into your other site. one of them.
I too, am engaged. but I like the idea of the gift registry. because I want alot of stuff, but am really very cheap when it comes to buying things for myself, my home, or my fiance. this is a bad thing around christmas.
But, a little story about divorce.
My dad, my dear old dad. has been married four times, divorced three, and when I was a young child, around ten, he seperated from my mother and was trying to divorce her, but they got back together. yes, somewhat traumatizing. but all in all, made my skin thicker. in the least disgusting sense of the statement.
December 26th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Wow, I should have a divorce blog.
@Mouse - When I was a little girl I thought I’d get married there. I now realized that getting married 700 miles from home means I can have a smaller wedding without disinviting (before I’ve even invited) people.
@Laura - The Booze/Tools idea is awesome. I got a drill for Christmas and I love it!
@Tizzy - You’ve sold me on the Registry. Dang. Candy Dishes.
@Rose - I’m glad to see you over here at Stupid Wedding Crap! And I’m glad that you like HeatEatReview.com. My fiance is a very frugal person, but I’m fortunately that the one place where he spends is when buying gifts. I think he just likes to see people happy.
I know this is personal, but are your parents still together?
January 11th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
sure are. to this very day. which is a bit crazy since they don’t really seem to like eachother alot of the time, but you know, I’m sure they love eachother and all of that good stuff. there is hope for marriages after all!
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