Garters, who needs ‘em?

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April 13, 2008

When I think about garters I think “Do I want a lace-covered rubber band wrapped around my thigh for the duration of my wedding ceremony, only to be removed publicly?”

Uh, no. I don’t need my brand-new-groom to symbolically deflower me in front of the wedding guests. Aside from giving everyone a weirdly intimate indication of what might happen later that night, garters are useless.
Custom Made Flask Garter
Unless they hold a flask or wallet. Then garters are freaking awesome. Except that I don’t plan on being trashed at my wedding. And sorry, girlfriends who I love but am not asking to be bridesmaids, I’m not getting these for you either. So when would I have a chance to use this incredible device?

Maybe for baseball games? Can you imagine how much money you’d save if instead of buying $8.00 beers at the Giants game you brought a flask or two of whiskey? We’re talking about hundreds of dollars in savings if you switch to rum and cokes. Now that’s an accessory I can believe in.

If you’re a Bay Area Bride, you can pick up a garter flask at Dollhouse Bettie (home of crazy-enormous panties I hope to never wear) or Mingle, those of you who don’t live here in the land of protests can stop by the online Juliette Garter Shop.

Topics: Wedding Accessories, Bachelorette Party |

18 Responses to “Garters, who needs ‘em?”

Kirsten Says:
April 14th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I love your site. I’m glad you’re back posting. I love making fun of wedding stuff!
Koozie dude Says:
April 14th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I am constantly coming to your site. (As in the past you did slam the koozie-most famous of wedding favors) and finally had to comment. If my wife had that on, geez. don’t even know how I could handle that. Liquor, I don’t even, . well yes I do.
Palila Says:
April 15th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Oh, man. That would be so awesome for attending someone else’s wedding, especially if it was a wedding where you’re making bets on how short the marriage will be.
LeeAnn Holly Says:
April 16th, 2008 at 6:20 am
Are you entering the Cheap Chic Weddings 2008 Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest? It is cool stupid crap. No pun intended.
erin Says:
April 16th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
I just found your blog via Head Bride in Charge, and can only say it makes me so friggin’ happy that there are indeed sane brides out there. And I’m sending out a big ol’ “I HEAR YA” re: the garters!
Woohoo Says:
April 19th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Welcome back! We missed you!
CaliOC Says:
April 20th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Yeah - you are back! My blog is so straight forward and boring compared to yours. I need yours for entertainment!!!
Frank Trane Says:
May 10th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Cool Site! Been reading for a while looking at blog and writings styles for my upcoming blog about a man’s #1 question, “How can I give her the best sex

ever”? This post made me want to say two thumbs up! Keep up the good work.
The Reluctannt Groomzilla Says:
May 15th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
I swear this isn’t some spam posting!!
i just found your site and I love IT!!! I had a bit of catching up to do with your posts but it was a hilarious!

I also blog (from an overinvolved groom’s perepctive) so I left the address in the webiste field. I don’t think I am nearly as funny as you, but I think we are both about as sarcastic!
Jane Henry - Wedding Favors Lady Says:
May 16th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
This blog is great! Love it.
Kaz Says:
May 19th, 2008 at 4:54 am
I think garters are still loved by women who want to make a show of themselves at the wedding. I personally didn’t wear one on my wedding day but some women still love the tradition.
Laura N @ Southern Wedding Style Magazine Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 10:52 am
I stumbled across your site and I have to say I’m hooked, you have some fun stuff here. I think that the flask garter is absolutley perfect for the bachlorette party.
Cannot wait to see what you coem up with next. If you want a more traditional break come check us out. Otherwise keep up the fun!

Laura N
Donna Says:
May 24th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
This site is hilarious! I love it!!
Donna Says:
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Cannot wait to see what you coem up with next. If you want a more traditional break come check us out. Otherwise keep up the fun!
Rose Says:
June 6th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
Yesterday in the mail I got “Oriental Trading WEDDING!” and I instantly thought of stupid wedding crap.
incidentally, I have no idea how I signed up for this. because all of it incredibly trashy and tacky. to name just a few things:

Bridal dress and tuxedo bottle insulators
Wedding party can insulators
and wedding character shot glasses.
Michigal Says:
June 20th, 2008 at 12:58 am
Great articles, entertaining site!
Kim @ printable-wedding-invitations.com Says:
June 22nd, 2008 at 2:28 pm
That garter flask has me doubled over with laughter.

As a reasonable drinker I just know that if given the opportunity to ease my stress a touch on my wedding day, I might like to just resort to pulling it out.

Really love the humor here and I visit regularly.

Very entertaining!
Shannon Says:
March 16th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
You should check out www.bootleggershipflaks.com… It’s the best garter flask website…

Garters, who needs ‘em?

18 Responses to “Garters, who needs ‘em?”

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