Archives for Awful Wedding Gifts
Wedding Characters Ceramic Oval Ornament
August 6, 2007
If you can’t afford to shell out the thousands of dollars it can cost to have a professional photographer record your wedding day moments, why not consider having a series of ornaments painted with images of you and the wedding party? They’re just $14.95 each, though I have no idea how large they are. Really, these ornaments could be the size of a bottle of nail polish and there’s no way to tell.
Though, if you’re willing to risk potential gift-related embarrassment and willing to be turned into an impersonal cartoon, I suppose there are worse gifts that you could give.
Then again, don’t the bridesmaid face choices look sort of evil? I think it has something to do with the eyelashes. Yes, those are perhaps the creepiest eyelashes I’ve ever seen. Well, that and they appear to have the largest mouths known to any cartoon character in existence.
Bridal Party ornament is available at Personal Creations and comes with three skin color choices, a bazillion hairstyle choices, and totally creepy faces. Ugh, like little zombie cartoons all coming to get me. I’m totally going to have nightmares now.
Categories: Bridesmaid Gifts, Groomsman Gifts, Wedding Decorations, Bridal Party Gifts, Awful Wedding Gifts | 9 Comments »
His & Her Bridal Thong Panties
July 20, 2007
I love that the ‘bride’ thong has a little bow tie, because every pudenda needs a lacy tuxedo. This set of bride and groom thong underwear (yes, thongs for him and her) are available at the SummitFashions Amazon.com shop for just $17.98.
Categories: Fashion Nightmares, Awful Wedding Gifts, Just Married Apparel | 8 Comments »
New Husband Voodoo Doll
June 22, 2007
Unlike certain unmentionables (mini-cheese grater wedding favors, ahem) it isn’t the existence of this new husband voodoo doll that seriously gives me the willies.
No, what worries me is the supposed discount that you’ll get if you buy the new husband voodoo doll with the new wife voodoo doll. Windy City Novelties (on Amazon.com) would like you to think that you’re getting some sort of deal by purchasing two voodoo dolls at the same time, but it is a lie, you lying liars. Consumers could purchase these separately and pay the exact same price (though shipping might bite you in the butt.)
Still considering a Voodoo doll? They’re just $9.99 each and maybe you think the ‘Make us dinner’ or ‘Show me you love me’ printed pincushion areas are really cute. Well what about the sex-related ones? Will you consider sticking a straight pin into a doll-based representation of your spouse’s crotch?
Ok, if the answer to that question is yes, then perhaps you should let your future spouse know about this fetish. Do you see the look on this Voodoo doll’s face? He’s definitely thinking “Holy shit, get me out of this marriage before she sticks some straight pins in my man area. Nooooo! Noooooooooooooo!”
Categories: Awful Wedding Gifts | No Comments »
Best Wedding Cards Ever Invented
June 20, 2007
Dear Internet user who came here searching for a stupid wedding card,
I wish that I could offer you something paper-based. Alas, Hallmark does not produce cards that signify poor marriage choices, disgust at consumerism, or religious quandaries. Fortunately for all of us, someecards.com has produced a line of thoughtful and honest cards that say exactly what’s been on your mind throughout your friend’s disastrous engagement and subsequent decision to walk down the aisle pregnant.
Simply select the ideal wedding sentiment from their line of wedding ecards, or browse a bit and find the perfect way to flirt, send an apology, or just let someone know that you’re thinking of them.
Sincerely,
Abi Jones
Editor, www.StupidWeddingCrap.com
Categories: Awful Wedding Gifts, Wedding Cards | 1 Comment »
Personalized Brands for the Bride and Groom
June 11, 2007
There are a lot of people (and by a lot, I mean 8 in the entire history of this site) who are coming to Stupid Wedding Crap via a Google search for ‘Stupid Wedding Gifts.’ Now, if you’re out there Googling ‘Stupid Wedding Gifts’ it probably means that you’re looking for something supremely tacky that you can give to people that you don’t particularly like. Well, have I got the gift for you. This personalized meat brand is an especially dumb (or evilly smart) wedding gift for vegetarians and couples who hyphenate their names after marriage.
While I don’t personally condone revenge-themed gift giving, this brand was just too great to pass up. And at just $39.95 from Gifts.com, it is a much cheaper option than a crystal punch bowl with matching glasses.
If you really want to put the vegetarians in your life into a moral quandry, then give a gift from Heifer International in their honor.
Categories: Bridesmaid Gifts, Groomsman Gifts, Bridal Party Gifts, Best Man Gifts, Awful Wedding Gifts | 3 Comments »