Archives for Bachelorette Party
Garters, who needs ‘em?
April 13, 2008
When I think about garters I think “Do I want a lace-covered rubber band wrapped around my thigh for the duration of my wedding ceremony, only to be removed publicly?”
Uh, no. I don’t need my brand-new-groom to symbolically deflower me in front of the wedding guests. Aside from giving everyone a weirdly intimate indication of what might happen later that night, garters are useless.
Unless they hold a flask or wallet. Then garters are freaking awesome. Except that I don’t plan on being trashed at my wedding. And sorry, girlfriends who I love but am not asking to be bridesmaids, I’m not getting these for you either. So when would I have a chance to use this incredible device?
Maybe for baseball games? Can you imagine how much money you’d save if instead of buying $8.00 beers at the Giants game you brought a flask or two of whiskey? We’re talking about hundreds of dollars in savings if you switch to rum and cokes. Now that’s an accessory I can believe in.
If you’re a Bay Area Bride, you can pick up a garter flask at Dollhouse Bettie (home of crazy-enormous panties I hope to never wear) or Mingle, those of you who don’t live here in the land of protests can stop by the online Juliette Garter Shop.
Categories: Wedding Accessories, Bachelorette Party | 17 Comments »
Maid of Honor Tiara and Necklace
July 16, 2007
According to some wedding etiquette site I found on the Internet, the Maid of Honor is tasked with the following wedding planning duties:
- Help the bride shop for her wedding dress
- Visit reception sites with the bride as a “second pair of eyes”
- Help the bride choose the wedding flowers and reception decorations
- Patiently discuss for the 18 gazillionth time whether peonies or tulips are more romantic
- Shop for the bridesmaid dresses
- Ensure that you are the only person who looks good in the color selected for the bridesmaid dresses
- Ensure the bridesmaid dresses are ordered well before the wedding
- Address wedding invitations
- Forego complaining about hand cramps acquired while addressing 280 invitations
- Help make wedding guest favors
- Purchase, address and send out bridal shower invitations
- Host a bridal shower
- Keep track of the gifts during the bridal shower (who gave what)
- Send out nasty letters to people who gave cheap gifts at the bridal shower
- Host a bachelorette party
- Wear a necklace strung with penises
- Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
- Sleep with the best man after the rehearsal dinner
- Buy the couple a wedding gift
- And anything the bride wishes, within reason
Ok, so there are a lot of those that I made up. I total did not make up the last item. Anything the bride wishes, within reason. No wonder so many Maids of Honor feel so put-upon.
Fortunately, you can do a fantastic favor for your Maid of Honor by knocking two items off of this list. Just pick up this Maid of Honor tiara and penis necklace at BacheloretteParties.com. The tiara is just $8.99 and the penis necklaces are just $3.99 each, making these accessories an affordable way to show your Maid of Honor that you really care.
Categories: Bachelorette Party | 3 Comments »
Bachelorette Party Car Flag
July 13, 2007
The other side of the flag reads:
Pull over this car, one of us is driving drunk on Appletinis!
Also perfect for reducing gas mileage. You know, if you’re the kind of Maid of Honor who hates the environment. You know you are, so don’t even try to deny it.
If you need to announce your loud, suck-for-a-buck-playing presence to the rest of the folks driving on I-95, you can pick up this Bachelorette Party Car Flag for $7.99 (cheap!) plus shipping from Bachelorette.com.
Categories: Bachelorette Party | 1 Comment »
More Penis-Related Items
July 2, 2007
If you look very, very closely at the image of the veil you’ll see that the packaging shows an illustration of three women, one of whom is wearing the veil. The other two are laughing at her. One can’t help but wonder if she unknowingly donned a veil sprinkled with little plastic penises.
My only reservation about this ensemble is that it seems a bit matchy-matchy. Penis nametag, earrings, and veil? Somebody doesn’t know about Coco Chanel’s timeless maxim “Always take off one accessory before leaving the house.”
Of course, even if you did follow that you’d possibly still be sporting a penis-shaped nametag and penis-shaped earrings. Good advice only goes so far.
If you really, really need a penis-covered bachelorette party veil, this one is just $10.99 from Bachelorette’s Last Night Out.
Categories: Bachelorette Party | 1 Comment »
For Bachelorettes: Condom-studded Veil
June 25, 2007
Yes, this is real and you can purchase it for $15.99 plus shipping and handling at Bachelorette’s Last Night Out.
Just don’t blame me if the bride-to-be punches you in the face. Because she will.
However, if you did manage to get the bachelorette in your life to wear one of these, please send in a photo and I will gladly give you some sort of spectacular, wedding-related, prize.
Categories: Bachelorette Party | No Comments »