Archives for Cake Toppers
Cell Phone Fanatics Cake Topper
December 30, 2007
Approximately every 30 months (at least until the last set of budget numbers went out) folks in my office got new laptop computers. This meant that you had to work there for 2.5 years before the new computer would appear. Of course, by the time my new computer appeared my old one had been rebuilt. Did you know that a Dell Latitude D600 can still operate and show images even if the monitor is only attached with one hinge? It’s true. But that’s not the point of this ramble. The point is that when I got my new computer it came with most of the things I needed to do my job. Word processing, website development, and Lotus Notes administration could all be handled from my new laptop.
Unfortunately, the super-nice IT guy who did that work did not install an Instant Messaging system. This was a problem. Instant messaging is a primary form of communication in the office. If someone makes an interoffice phone call to me, I am confused. What is that thing and why is it ringing? I didn’t realize how much I depended on IM until I tried to talk to Kate, my officemate and cube buddy and the only other person in the department. Kate and I have worked together for 3 years now. It has been a great working relationship. Suddenly, we were incommunicado.
That’s right, I couldn’t speak with Kate, the person NEXT TO ME in the cube area, because I didn’t have Instant Messaging installed on my new computer. I then spent the next 30 minutes installing and validating and loading my open source instant messager (I joke about the difficulty, Pidgin is awesome and you should get it now). Just so I could talk to Kate. Well, just so I could talk to Kate about things that were going on in the office. My Lord, people, I think a lot of things about office life that cannot be said aloud. Much like the bridal world, it is unendingly entertaining.
That said, maybe the couple below has the same problem that Kate and I had. Maybe they used to have a long distance relationship. Maybe they are each deaf in one ear and this is how they cover it up. Maybe they are just uncomfortable talking face-to-face.
Perhaps they have horrendous rashes that are being disguised with cell phones. Maybe they are having affairs. Maybe those rashes are from affairs. (Super-long sidetrack here: this reminds me of that episode of The Hills where Lauren checks out Brody’s cell phone and he has all of those numbers from chicks in there including people just named things like ‘Sexy Blonde’ and she definitely (I hope) realizes that he’s not the guy for her. Uh, yeah. I watch the Hills [well, season three]. Except I can’t get the finale to play on my computer. MTV and my computer hate eachother. Now I have to rely on long lines at Target and easily grabbable copies of OK to tell me what happened with Heidi and Spencer [FYI: They are still together, but after each of them leaving LA and staying with their parents for awhile they decided to call off the wedding for now.] and also tell me that Tara Reid is too skinny. That girl can never win. Also, why is Brody Jenner famous? Am I missing something here? Does he emit some sort of fame-aura that I can’t sense?) Yes, I think of rashes and affairs and cell phones and I think of Brody Jenner, ugh.
Whatever the case, it looks like the most awkward wedding vows in the world “Sorry babe, I’ve got to close this deal before I commit to you for a lifetime”. I’d much rather be All Terrain Vehicle Bride than Cell Phone Bride. But if you’re a cell phone bride (or your groom is a cell phone addict groom), you can get this set of cake toppers for just $19.98 per figure at Wedding Star. Of course, if you really want to show that each of you is incorrigible, you could always mix and match cake toppers, pairing cell phone bride with golfing groom.
Now that is love.
Categories: Cake Toppers | 2 Comments »
Taking the Plunge Cake Toppers
November 9, 2007
I have to admit that I have a tough time staying away from the cake toppers. Would you believe that I have an entire file of absurd cake toppers just waiting to be mocked. I’ve been thinking a lot more about wedding cakes lately. Mostly cake and serving logistics. I love logistics and process flowers and nerdy organizational development sort of stuff. When I think about cake serving at a normal wedding, I see a ridiculous bottleneck in an otherwise somewhat smooth eating experience. Sure, I’ll get some cake right away, but the rest of you suckers will just have to hang around waiting for it to be sliced.
For this reason, cupcakes seem like a great idea. Plus, they come in different flavors, are adorable, and can be topped with the best cake topper ever:
Of course, if I had this cake topper then I would have to get some sort of airbrushed blue cake that looked like one of David Hockney’s pool paintings, but three dimensional and maybe a bit less modernistically* depressing. Also, my David Hockney wedding cake would have people in it, a big no-no when it comes to Hockney and California backyards.
If you’re thinking about getting a cake topper that displays the bride as a person with murderous intent, you can pick this one up from Wedding Mountain for $25.98. Unlike the ATV Cake Topper, this one charges the same price for white and non-white figurines. I’m not kidding about the murder thing. Look at the bride on the top. She’s totally all “Ah, now that we are married, I will KEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL YOU!” and the dude is all “Holy crap, I’m going to be impaled on some dried out fondant!” He is also saying “Why the hell am I wearing lipstick? Hmmm?” Ooh, maybe the bride is pushing him off because she just discovered him re-enacting a scene from Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun music video with his gay lover! Now, is that the message you want to send on your wedding day? No, it is not.
But seriously, doesn’t ‘taking the plunge’ refer to both parties taking a chance on spending the rest of their lives with another person? Shouldn’t these people be jumping off the cake together like respectable people committing double-suicide? You know, if you get the non-white one, you can pretend that you’re marrying maiming Barrack Obama. Now I have a sudden urge to track down cake toppers that look slightly similar to all of the other presidential candidates. Finding a short-haired blonde for Hillary shouldn’t be too tough, and Mitt Romney’s got that boring Ken Doll hair that appears on a lot of cake toppers, but where am I going to find a Fred Thompson or a Rudy Giuliani?
*Yeah, not a word. But it would be a great word if it existed. And guess what! Now it does!
Categories: Cake Toppers | 5 Comments »
Tractor & Cow Wedding Cake Topper
October 15, 2007
Lately a lot of people have been asking me if I’m excited to get married when they actually mean ‘Are you excited to have a wedding?’ You see, I’m completely psyched about getting married. I’m looking forward to making a public commitment to the man that I’ve loved for the past 5 years and will love for the rest of my life. I am not excited about the following:
- Finding a location
- Picking a date that doesn’t interfere with everyone else’s lives
- Choosing flowers
- Finding a dress
Asking my friend Lily to be my maid of honor
Done! I totally cried. It was great.- Other wedding stuff I can’t bear to imagine
Fortunately, I’ve already found the perfect cake topper. The cake topper that outdoes all other cake toppers. Yeah, I don’t even know if I’m going to have cake (probably will because my future husband likes traditions like that even though he’d prefer to eat chocolate cheesecake), but I do know what is going to top whatever dessert we select:
Okay, okay. So some of you will still hold more love for the more expensive ATV Cake Topper (after all, it is customizable). But if you really, truly want to go country for your wedding, you can’t do much better than this $37.00 doozy from Wedding Collectibles.
Categories: Western and Cowboy Theme, Cake Toppers | 17 Comments »
ATV Cake Topper
July 31, 2007
Sometimes I worry that I won’t be able to make my wedding full encapsulate all that is important about my life. Fortunately, the folks at Magical Day (kudos for grabbing that domain name!) have my back and the backs of all people who enjoy All Terrain Vehicles as much as I do:
Yes, there’s a tiny can of Pepsi attached to the back. Too bad that of all of the things you can customize, you can’t choose your favorite type of soda. No your customization options are limited to bride hair color, bride complexion, groom hair color, groom complexion, groom facial hair, base color, and ATV type. Strangely, the only customization that costs extra is complexion. Goatees and moustaches are free, but having anything other than fair skin is going to cost you.
ATV Cake topper is $79.00 (plus shipping and race-related customization) at Magical Day.
Categories: Cake Toppers | 5 Comments »
Dolphin Cake Topper
June 28, 2007
Woo, anthropomorphism! You can make your own judgments about whether this dolphin cake topper is ugly or beautiful. Personally, I’m going with ugly. Also, creepy. Look at those beady little dolphin eyes! They are coming to get you.
What you can’t define for yourself are the interesting the mating habits of dolphins. They are not exactly the best model for marriage:
Data for defining mating systems are difficult to collect for dolphins, but genetic studies are now allowing some of the first dolphin paternity testing, and continued work should clarify understanding. Available evidence suggests that monogamy is not a practice in which dolphins engage. Bottlenosed dolphin paternity tests indicate that females may use different sires for subsequent calves. For the better-studied dolphins, associations between breeding males and females tend to be brief, lasting days to weeks, and one male or male coalitions may associate with one receptive female at a time, sometimes battling with other males for access to the female. Males may move between female groups during a breeding season. This pattern has been referred to as serial polygyny or promiscuity.
Thank you, Answers.com. Also, thank you Google for finding Answers.com for me. Also, thank you Weddings by Dezign for both putting a ‘z’ where it doesn’t belong and being bold enough to sell this cake topper for just $26.95 plus shipping.
Categories: Beach and Island, Seashore and Ocean, Cake Toppers | 5 Comments »