Archives for Wedding Favors
Christmas Wedding Favors
December 26, 2007
Sure, Christmas was yesterday, but I didn’t want to think about weddings yesterday. No, I wanted to think about mimosas. And romantic dinners in San Francisco. And Alcatraz. And the new Nora Roberts/J.D. Robb novel.
Fortunately, Stupid Wedding Crap is timeless and wedding planning seems to take a million years (have we set a budget? No. Has this stopped me from making a list of places in Palo Alto where I’d like to get married? Also no.) So, even if this favor is too late for all of the holiday weddings of the Christmas season, it isn’t too late for all of the brides just getting started on their 2008 nuptials.
These are $2.75 each as pictured above. Of course, you could get your own names and wedding dates put on them:
But then you’d look like a complete tool. “Sam and Michelle, thanks for coming to our wedding and sharing this special day with us. We’d like to give you a fragile, easily breakable item that probably won’t make it back to Des Moines with you. Also, when we visit you next Christmas season we’ll be checking your tree to make sure that you are properly honoring us in your home.”
But seriously, if you’re going to get some custom ornaments, I imagine that $2.75 isn’t a bad price. I have no clue about the cost of shipping over at the Stocking Factory, but I’d like to see you find a non-shot-glass piece of customized vitrian cheer for a wedding.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Christmas | 5 Comments »
Bride and Groom Wedding Favor Boxes
October 31, 2007
The other day I was cruising the boards at Kvetch, looking for inexpensive Bay Area wedding tips (FYI they don’t exist) and reading the sad stories on the Second Thoughts section. For those of you that don’t know kvetch, Second Thoughts is irresistible, a combination of Dear Abby and a Judith Viorst novel.
While reading about the other frustrations had by past and future brides (nobody is a present bride except for one day and that is probably a day where you’re not posting your thoughts on a forum), I was taken by one thread that spoke to every woman’s fear: finding the perfect theme. One commenter brilliantly summed up the silliness of wedding planning by stating
I always thought that the theme of “wedding” was adequate.
“Yes!” I thought. That is my theme! Wedding! This woman is a genius! If people know the theme is ‘wedding’ they will resist the urge to suggest ridiculous frills (rulers, personalized gum wrappers) that don’t belong in any sort of celebration, let alone one of love and marriage!
This victory was short-lived when I realized that the wedding industrial complex was already on to my plans:
Uh, yeah. So, if your theme is “Wedding” then I guess you’ll probably need some favor boxes slash placecard holders. What’s more is that they’re personalized. With stickers. Stickers closely resembling those free address labels that come from the Salvation Army when you move to a new apartment.
You can get these boxes (yes, empty boxes) from American Bridal for $9.36 per set of 12 (minimum order of 2 sets). What’s interesting is that the sets are gender specific. You know, if you can say that a headless box has a gender. Thus, if you want brides and grooms you’ll need to order a set of dress boxes and a set of tux boxes. Those of you having a big gay wedding extravaganza (and the makeup to match) can just order whatever box combos you happen to need.
Categories: Wedding Favors | 3 Comments »
Tea Pot Tape Measures
October 24, 2007
For the last twenty minutes I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of a time when I was out and had just my purse (thus I am not at home where I have a regular tape measure) and I really, really needed to measure something. Ikea? No, they have free paper tape measures. Plus, all of the tags list product dimensions. . . . Am still thinking. Pretty much all shopping is out. If someone is selling you something, they can probably tell you the height or length or depth of the product.
I give up. When could I use this?
Ladies will be pleasantly surprised to receive this truly fitting find, a miniature little white teapot that’s more than just a keychain. Gals can hook them onto their keys or slip them into a purse and when they need to…they can measure up some fun!
I cannot stop picturing a really, really awkward evening at the Chippendales Club. Just imagine all of your gal friends getting trashed and then whipping their favors to ‘measure up some fun’ with the dancers. If that’s your vision for a bridal shower (Maids of Honor, I’m looking at you), these favors are just $1.65 each for your first 1-23, available at Wedding FAVORites.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Bridal Shower Favors | 7 Comments »
Spread the Love Knives
October 19, 2007
Yes, knives. They might be dull, but they aren’t getting past the Transportation Safety Administration. Or maybe they are. I once carried (unknowingly) an enormous pair of teacher scissors in my carry-on. Yeah, those big black-handled scissors that could easily lop off a finger. So, you could probably sneak these on a plane. But would you want to?
The folks at Moments of Elegance believe that so long as a favor falls under three guidelines then you’ve found the perfect thing to give your guests:
- It’s useful
- Looks great on a reception table
- Will match any guest’s home decor for years to come
These are not the criteria for a good favor! Unless your entire family lives in the same trailer park or suburban subdivision and has the most extraordinarily strict home decor regulations in the United States, I can assure you that it will be impossible to purchase a favor that “will match any guest’s home decor for years to come”. What, is it psychic, chameleonic favor? Can it change colors? Does the font adjust depending on decorating whimsy of the homeowner? Will it do a little polka if you decide to go with a Boho look?
No, it cannot do any of those things. Also, your guest are all going to take one look at that favor and leave it on a table (where it looks so great!) or in a hotel room. Why? Because in their minds they will weigh being able to carry-on their luggage or checking their bags just to bring back those silly little knives.
And because you got the favors for just $2.30 each from Moments of Elegance, the woman who cleans the hotel room will have another pitiful item to add to her growing collection of abandoned wedding favors.
Categories: Wedding Favors | 3 Comments »
Champagne Bucket Timer Wedding Favor
October 11, 2007
Have you been putting off your wedding? It could be for a lot of reasons: the outrageous cost of catering, waiting to lose that baby weight, or holding out until you find the perfect favor. If you’re a procrastinator of the highest level, then these favors, reading “It’s About Time! Let’s Celebrate!” are perfect for you. This is the part where I would swear a lot except that I’m pretty sure I made a promise at some point not to swear on this blog.
Showing penis necklace photos = okay, but swearing is out. But this isn’t about penis paraphernalia, this is about tacky favors.
And this egg timer masquerading as champagne bucket definitely qualifies as tacky. This must be a New Year’s Eve favor that’s been ill-categorized by My Wedding Favors. But even as a New Years Eve favor it makes no sense. Who says ‘Well, it’s about time that this year is over’ ? Nobody, that’s who. And who the hell wants to hear ‘It’s about time.’ on his or her wedding day? Also nobody. Seriously, if somebody said ‘It’s about time’ to me, I would punch him or her. Well, not ‘punch’ so much as ‘give a dirty look to’. Unless it was my grandma, because I don’t punch grandmas. Or give them dirty looks.
Of course, me joking about punching grandmas isn’t nearly as funny as the actual text that accompanies this item:
Well, it’s about time these two amazing people got together and made it official.
Yeah, I definitely want an air of defeat to accompany my wedding. “She finally gave in and got married to that guy. It’s about damn time.”
It all arrives, table-ready, in a clear showcase box so your guests can pick up and marvel at their new little gift from any angle. They’ll even love the box itself with its clock graphic and tiny ‘dancing’ tick-tock champagne flutes. (See what we mean about the details!)
Wait, people are supposed to be amused by tiny graphical champagne flutes set at jaunty angles to give them the appearance of dancing? Brides and grooms planning weddings are supposed to be worried about whether or not the guests will marvel at the packaging used on favors? What the fuck, people? Yeah, go marvel at that one.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Vineyard and Wine | 6 Comments »