Archives for Wedding Favors
Champagne Bucket Timer Wedding Favor
October 11, 2007
Have you been putting off your wedding? It could be for a lot of reasons: the outrageous cost of catering, waiting to lose that baby weight, or holding out until you find the perfect favor. If you’re a procrastinator of the highest level, then these favors, reading “It’s About Time! Let’s Celebrate!” are perfect for you. This is the part where I would swear a lot except that I’m pretty sure I made a promise at some point not to swear on this blog.
Showing penis necklace photos = okay, but swearing is out. But this isn’t about penis paraphernalia, this is about tacky favors.
And this egg timer masquerading as champagne bucket definitely qualifies as tacky. This must be a New Year’s Eve favor that’s been ill-categorized by My Wedding Favors. But even as a New Years Eve favor it makes no sense. Who says ‘Well, it’s about time that this year is over’ ? Nobody, that’s who. And who the hell wants to hear ‘It’s about time.’ on his or her wedding day? Also nobody. Seriously, if somebody said ‘It’s about time’ to me, I would punch him or her. Well, not ‘punch’ so much as ‘give a dirty look to’. Unless it was my grandma, because I don’t punch grandmas. Or give them dirty looks.
Of course, me joking about punching grandmas isn’t nearly as funny as the actual text that accompanies this item:
Well, it’s about time these two amazing people got together and made it official.
Yeah, I definitely want an air of defeat to accompany my wedding. “She finally gave in and got married to that guy. It’s about damn time.”
It all arrives, table-ready, in a clear showcase box so your guests can pick up and marvel at their new little gift from any angle. They’ll even love the box itself with its clock graphic and tiny ‘dancing’ tick-tock champagne flutes. (See what we mean about the details!)
Wait, people are supposed to be amused by tiny graphical champagne flutes set at jaunty angles to give them the appearance of dancing? Brides and grooms planning weddings are supposed to be worried about whether or not the guests will marvel at the packaging used on favors? What the fuck, people? Yeah, go marvel at that one.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Vineyard and Wine | 6 Comments »
Personalized Wedding Favor Shot Glasses
October 3, 2007
If I ever needed a couple hundred glasses (let’s say for the class reunion I’m planning), I’d definitely get them from Discount Mugs. They have fantastic prices on mugs and a huge selection ranging from cheapo stadium cups to fancy schmancy pub mugs. Plus, they have a product designer. And as the customized M&M’s post showed the world, I cannot resist a product designer tool.
For all of these fantastic qualities, there are a couple things amiss at Discount Mugs. The first is the psycho talking person that pops up when you go to the site (don’t say I didn’t warn you). She follows you around with an overenthusiastic approach to mugs. The second problem is that these items are not wedding appropriate.
Handing out personalized shot glasses to all of your guests sort of says “The only way we can stand eachother is when we’re drunk.” It also says “Let’s all get wasted and go home with people that we definitely, definitely shouldn’t be sleeping with!”
Of course, that happens at weddings anyways, so you might as well just forgo the shot glasses and let instinct rule.
The shot glasses pictured are available at Discount Mugs for just 79¢ if you order 10,000.
Categories: Wedding Favors | 8 Comments »
Gown Pics
October 2, 2007
The search engine optimization specialist in me is cringing at the title of this entry. Gown Pics? Are they photos of gowns? Dressy icepicks? Toothpicks attached to tiny bridesmaid dresses? Sadly, the more implausible answer (toothpicks sporting dresses) is the correct answer.
These cute gown pics are available in a rainbow of colors. Each gown pic is made of resin and tulle. These are perfect for bridal showers as well as weddings. The gown pics can be used as seating cards, placecard holders, as well as favors! Purchase with or without attached favors items of 5 almonds, 5 heart shaped sugars, or 5 purse bath oil beads.
I would love, love, love to receive one of these at a wedding! Can you picture all of the redneck cousins using the gown pics to clean out their teeth after the cocktail hour? No need for private oral health care, just get everyone some gown pics!
If you really want some gown pics, you can pick them up at Weddings by Dezign for just $3.50 each with a minimum order of 5. And yes, that price includes 5 almonds or 5 heart-shaped sugar cubes or 5 bath oil beads.
My 10 year old self adored bath oil beads. And my 10 year old self probably would have loved to get a toothpick adorned with a dress. But I’m not 10 years old, an neither are you.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Wedding Decorations, Place Card Holders | 1 Comment »
Personalized Bud Vases
August 14, 2007
At first I thought that these we extra large shot glasses. But then I thought “Wait, what are flowers doing in shot glasses” I’m a genius like that. Did you know that I can also bend spoons with my mind?
While those powers are incredible, they aren’t quite as amazing as the gall that some brides and grooms must have when they think that their guests want some breakables engraved with other people’s initials.
These personalized bud vases are on sale for just $5.99 each at The Knot (minimum order of 12), smartly filed under the category ‘Unique Favors.’ Listen folks, if you’re buying a favor off of The Knot, it isn’t unique, even if it is engraved with your brand-new married initials.
If you want some decor that’s a bit more affordable (and easier to reuse) head on over to Ikea and grab 80 of the BATIST, FRAGIL, or TAJT?* They’re all considerably cheaper than the crap from The Knot.
*Even though I’m not known to break things, I will probably never ever EVER purchase something named FRAGIL. Even if it is misspelled.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Wedding Decorations | 5 Comments »
Custom Personalized M&M Candies
July 17, 2007
Admit it, you’ve been thinking about personalized M&Ms since he proposed. Specifically, you’ve been thinking about Tiffany Blue M&M’s. Tiffany Blue M&Ms printed with your wedding date and the names of you and your betrothed.
Well, I hope that your fiance isn’t named Crap, because that’s one word that’s not allowed. In fact, the M&Ms people have an entired guide to what is an isn’t allowed. Here are my favorite parts of the guide:
While we encourage your creativity, Masterfoods USA will not honor a request to print any “objectionable” language, acronyms, symbols, pictures, or any other graphic representation. “Objectionable” means, among other things, anything that (i) is libelous, defamatory, pornographic, sexually explicit, unlawful, racially or ethnically offensive, (ii) infringes on someone else’s patent, copyright, trademark, trade secret or other property right, (iii) is something people would consider harassing, abusive, threatening, harmful, vulgar, profane, obscene, or violent, (iv) would breach a person’s privacy or publicity rights, (v) is a misrepresentation of facts, (vi) hate speech, (vii) encourages others to break the law in any way, or (viii) is otherwise inappropriate.
Have fun with custom printed M&M’S® Candies.
Yes, it ends with ‘Have fun with custom printed M&M’S® candies.’ As in ‘Listen future Mr. Larry Flint, we are not turning our candy shop into your own personalized mini-version of Hustler, but have a good time trying to figure out something witty and inoffensive that you’d like to have on some crazy-expensive candies.’ If you do try to put something obscene on an M&M’S® candy, look out! I got an error message smackdown:
These M&M’S® are not priced for the faint of heart or lean of wallet. The M&M’S® store charges $11.99 for each 7 ounce bag, with a minimum purchase of 4 bags. Add to that a shipping charge of $12.95 (they’re delivered by a unicorn) and you’ve got 28 ounces of M&M’S® for just $60.91.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Bridesmaid Gifts, Bridal Shower Favors, Tiffany, Bridal Party Gifts | 2 Comments »