Archives for Diamonds Are Forever
Diamond Ring Cake Topper
June 21, 2007
We Do Wed says “you could almost call this the perfect wedding cake topper!” And they’re right, this is the perfect cake topper if you’re looking to boost the tacky-factor at your wedding.
But wait, there’s more! This cake topper isn’t just for your big day! No, this item is for every day home decor. This diamond ring topper (just $34.99) includes a square base complete with screws so that you can display this baby after you wedding too! That makes it so worth it.
I could see using this if you’re heir to the DeBeers fortune. But if you’re the heir to a company with $554 million in income per year, (thanks Wikipedia!) then you’ll probably have real diamonds on your cake. If you happen to be a descendant of Cecil Rhodes, I’d advise against the diamonds and cake combo; those things chip teeth like the dickens.
Categories: Tiffany, Wedding Accessories, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Diamonds Are Forever, Cake Toppers | 5 Comments »
His and Her Napkin Ring Favors
June 1, 2007
According to Nuptial Knick Knacks (that is the real name of the company, I swear), “Your guests will be thrilled to receive such a unique and practical favor.” Your single guests will be especially thrilled at your thoughtfulness. What better way to thank them for joining you on your big day than to remind them of their lack of married status and get them started on the road to commitment?
Or you could have just given every single person a couple Godiva chocolates, which also come in a box and also come with ribbon and also cost 8 cents less than these napkin rings. Wait, what are your guests supposed to do with two napkin rings? Who uses napkins rings when just two people are eating? Personally, I only find them appropriate for holidays. At Thanksgiving it is a battle of class between animal-shaped napkin sculptures and giant diamond ring napkin rings.
It is unfortunate that this gift does not come in woman-woman or man-man ring styles. Sorry folks attempting to have a big gay wedding extravaganza, you will not have the opportunity to make other people uncomfortable. Another win for the sanctity of different-sex marriage!
Categories: Wedding Favors, Tiffany, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Diamonds Are Forever | 3 Comments »
Diamond Ring (a.k.a. Anti-Booty) Keychains
May 23, 2007
As a future bride, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to prevent any of my future bridesmaids from entering relationships. After all, if they don’t have boyfriends then I won’t have to worry about trimming the guest list. Okay, I’m not that evil. In fact, I don’t even have a guest list even though my boss has told me on numerous occasions (um, 2) that it is essential in wedding planning. I haven’t even been engaged for two weeks.
If I were an evil future bride, then I would totally purchase these keychains for all of my yet-to-be-named bridesmaids. Just imagine going out on a date with some super-cute guy and then realizing that you want to invite him in for a cocktail and then realizing that you are going to open your front door using a KEYCHAIN SHAPED LIKE A GIANT DIAMOND RING!
The company that sells these sparkling atrocities claims that “This is a fun and practical bridal shower favor.” This is not fun and practical! This is frightening and gaudy! Yes, they could be useful if you have a spare giant around the house constantly bemoaning the lack of dress-up wear you keep in stock. But you probably don’t have a bored giant chilling in your spare room.
Categories: Bridesmaid Gifts, Bridal Shower Favors, Tiffany, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Diamonds Are Forever | 2 Comments »