Archives for Tiffany
Custom Personalized M&M Candies
July 17, 2007
Admit it, you’ve been thinking about personalized M&Ms since he proposed. Specifically, you’ve been thinking about Tiffany Blue M&M’s. Tiffany Blue M&Ms printed with your wedding date and the names of you and your betrothed.
Well, I hope that your fiance isn’t named Crap, because that’s one word that’s not allowed. In fact, the M&Ms people have an entired guide to what is an isn’t allowed. Here are my favorite parts of the guide:
While we encourage your creativity, Masterfoods USA will not honor a request to print any “objectionable” language, acronyms, symbols, pictures, or any other graphic representation. “Objectionable” means, among other things, anything that (i) is libelous, defamatory, pornographic, sexually explicit, unlawful, racially or ethnically offensive, (ii) infringes on someone else’s patent, copyright, trademark, trade secret or other property right, (iii) is something people would consider harassing, abusive, threatening, harmful, vulgar, profane, obscene, or violent, (iv) would breach a person’s privacy or publicity rights, (v) is a misrepresentation of facts, (vi) hate speech, (vii) encourages others to break the law in any way, or (viii) is otherwise inappropriate.
Have fun with custom printed M&M’S® Candies.
Yes, it ends with ‘Have fun with custom printed M&M’S® candies.’ As in ‘Listen future Mr. Larry Flint, we are not turning our candy shop into your own personalized mini-version of Hustler, but have a good time trying to figure out something witty and inoffensive that you’d like to have on some crazy-expensive candies.’ If you do try to put something obscene on an M&M’S® candy, look out! I got an error message smackdown:
These M&M’S® are not priced for the faint of heart or lean of wallet. The M&M’S® store charges $11.99 for each 7 ounce bag, with a minimum purchase of 4 bags. Add to that a shipping charge of $12.95 (they’re delivered by a unicorn) and you’ve got 28 ounces of M&M’S® for just $60.91.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Bridesmaid Gifts, Bridal Shower Favors, Tiffany, Bridal Party Gifts | 2 Comments »
Tiffany Blue Wedding Favors
July 3, 2007
Establish your endless love and completely tacky devotion to Tiffany Blue by purchasing these wedding favors for all of your guests. At just $5.14 for four favors, you can show Aunt Mildred and Uncle Frank just how much you care by giving them three empty boxes and a notepad.
“Hey, thanks for coming out to my wedding! I know you’re starving, waiting for us to finish all of the wedding photos before moving onto the cocktail hour, but I thought that maybe you could tide yourself over with some empty boxes and a notepad!”
Categories: Wedding Favors, Tiffany | 5 Comments »
Diamond Ring Cake Topper
June 21, 2007
We Do Wed says “you could almost call this the perfect wedding cake topper!” And they’re right, this is the perfect cake topper if you’re looking to boost the tacky-factor at your wedding.
But wait, there’s more! This cake topper isn’t just for your big day! No, this item is for every day home decor. This diamond ring topper (just $34.99) includes a square base complete with screws so that you can display this baby after you wedding too! That makes it so worth it.
I could see using this if you’re heir to the DeBeers fortune. But if you’re the heir to a company with $554 million in income per year, (thanks Wikipedia!) then you’ll probably have real diamonds on your cake. If you happen to be a descendant of Cecil Rhodes, I’d advise against the diamonds and cake combo; those things chip teeth like the dickens.
Categories: Tiffany, Wedding Accessories, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Diamonds Are Forever, Cake Toppers | 5 Comments »
His and Her Napkin Ring Favors
June 1, 2007
According to Nuptial Knick Knacks (that is the real name of the company, I swear), “Your guests will be thrilled to receive such a unique and practical favor.” Your single guests will be especially thrilled at your thoughtfulness. What better way to thank them for joining you on your big day than to remind them of their lack of married status and get them started on the road to commitment?
Or you could have just given every single person a couple Godiva chocolates, which also come in a box and also come with ribbon and also cost 8 cents less than these napkin rings. Wait, what are your guests supposed to do with two napkin rings? Who uses napkins rings when just two people are eating? Personally, I only find them appropriate for holidays. At Thanksgiving it is a battle of class between animal-shaped napkin sculptures and giant diamond ring napkin rings.
It is unfortunate that this gift does not come in woman-woman or man-man ring styles. Sorry folks attempting to have a big gay wedding extravaganza, you will not have the opportunity to make other people uncomfortable. Another win for the sanctity of different-sex marriage!
Categories: Wedding Favors, Tiffany, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Diamonds Are Forever | 3 Comments »
Diamond Ring (a.k.a. Anti-Booty) Keychains
May 23, 2007
As a future bride, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to prevent any of my future bridesmaids from entering relationships. After all, if they don’t have boyfriends then I won’t have to worry about trimming the guest list. Okay, I’m not that evil. In fact, I don’t even have a guest list even though my boss has told me on numerous occasions (um, 2) that it is essential in wedding planning. I haven’t even been engaged for two weeks.
If I were an evil future bride, then I would totally purchase these keychains for all of my yet-to-be-named bridesmaids. Just imagine going out on a date with some super-cute guy and then realizing that you want to invite him in for a cocktail and then realizing that you are going to open your front door using a KEYCHAIN SHAPED LIKE A GIANT DIAMOND RING!
The company that sells these sparkling atrocities claims that “This is a fun and practical bridal shower favor.” This is not fun and practical! This is frightening and gaudy! Yes, they could be useful if you have a spare giant around the house constantly bemoaning the lack of dress-up wear you keep in stock. But you probably don’t have a bored giant chilling in your spare room.
Categories: Bridesmaid Gifts, Bridal Shower Favors, Tiffany, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Diamonds Are Forever | 2 Comments »