Archives for Vineyard and Wine
Champagne Bucket Timer Wedding Favor
October 11, 2007
Have you been putting off your wedding? It could be for a lot of reasons: the outrageous cost of catering, waiting to lose that baby weight, or holding out until you find the perfect favor. If you’re a procrastinator of the highest level, then these favors, reading “It’s About Time! Let’s Celebrate!” are perfect for you. This is the part where I would swear a lot except that I’m pretty sure I made a promise at some point not to swear on this blog.
Showing penis necklace photos = okay, but swearing is out. But this isn’t about penis paraphernalia, this is about tacky favors.
And this egg timer masquerading as champagne bucket definitely qualifies as tacky. This must be a New Year’s Eve favor that’s been ill-categorized by My Wedding Favors. But even as a New Years Eve favor it makes no sense. Who says ‘Well, it’s about time that this year is over’ ? Nobody, that’s who. And who the hell wants to hear ‘It’s about time.’ on his or her wedding day? Also nobody. Seriously, if somebody said ‘It’s about time’ to me, I would punch him or her. Well, not ‘punch’ so much as ‘give a dirty look to’. Unless it was my grandma, because I don’t punch grandmas. Or give them dirty looks.
Of course, me joking about punching grandmas isn’t nearly as funny as the actual text that accompanies this item:
Well, it’s about time these two amazing people got together and made it official.
Yeah, I definitely want an air of defeat to accompany my wedding. “She finally gave in and got married to that guy. It’s about damn time.”
It all arrives, table-ready, in a clear showcase box so your guests can pick up and marvel at their new little gift from any angle. They’ll even love the box itself with its clock graphic and tiny ‘dancing’ tick-tock champagne flutes. (See what we mean about the details!)
Wait, people are supposed to be amused by tiny graphical champagne flutes set at jaunty angles to give them the appearance of dancing? Brides and grooms planning weddings are supposed to be worried about whether or not the guests will marvel at the packaging used on favors? What the fuck, people? Yeah, go marvel at that one.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Vineyard and Wine | 6 Comments »
Makes an Excellent Miniature Casket
May 24, 2007
Many mornings, my fianceé and I lay in bed and listen to NPR. It isn’t that we listen to the news so much as I adore Nina Totenberg (best legal affairs correspondent ever!). Also, we like to listen to the traffic report and laugh at all of the suckers commuting to work from the suburbs. Yeah, you may mock our non-house-owning state and ridiculous rent and crime, but at least I can get to work in twenty minutes while reading the Express. After we were done chuckling about the woes of DC area commuters, George brought up my own new non-commuter status.
George: So, you must be pretty relaxed now that you don’t have to go to Fairfax anymore.
Me: Yeah, but work is pretty crazy right now.
George: But at least you’re not working and going to school anymore.
Me: It is nice. I started a new blog (see how I just slipped that in there?) called ‘Stupid Wedding Crap.’
George: What?
Me: Yeah, you would not believe the things I’ve found. Remember those hay bale wedding favors?
George: Yeah.
Me: Well, I found some engraved wine boxes.
George: What?
Me: You know, engraved wooden boxes to hold a single bottle of wine. They’re gifts for groomsmen. Because everyone needs a wooden box with other people’s names and wedding date.
George: Wow. That’s pretty dumb.
Me: I know. Why do companies even make this stuff?
George: Well, how else are you going to have the perfect wedding?
So far, I’ve come up with two uses for this box, post-wedding. The first is that the 5th wedding anniversary is also the wood anniversary. What better gift for the happy couple than a bottle of wine in a wooden box bearing their names and the date of their wedding?
Oh, and the second future use of this product? Well, at $29.95 each (including personalization, no minimum), these would make ideal cat caskets. Can you imagine future civilizations digging these up and trying to figure out what the hell we worshipped during the early part of the 21st century?
Categories: Bridesmaid Gifts, Groomsman Gifts, Vineyard and Wine | 1 Comment »