Archive for June 2007
« Previous Entries Next Entries »Precious Moments Cake Toppers, Part 1
June 21, 2007
Am I the only person in the world who is creeped the heck out by Precious Moments cake toppers? They all feature children partaking in old-fashioned wedding rituals, such as crossing the threshold (shown here).
And do not tell me that the little girl bride here is please. She looks like a wide-eyed deer caught in the headlights of child pornography. And the little boy? Well he’s obviously thinking ‘What the hell am I doing?’ Damn, all I can do is think about Warren Jeffs and those freaking child brides.
Do Precious Moments cake toppers promote child brides and polygamy? I’ll leave that for you to decide.
Categories: Cake Toppers, Precious Moments, Child Brides | 7 Comments »
Diamond Ring Cake Topper
June 21, 2007
We Do Wed says “you could almost call this the perfect wedding cake topper!” And they’re right, this is the perfect cake topper if you’re looking to boost the tacky-factor at your wedding.
But wait, there’s more! This cake topper isn’t just for your big day! No, this item is for every day home decor. This diamond ring topper (just $34.99) includes a square base complete with screws so that you can display this baby after you wedding too! That makes it so worth it.
I could see using this if you’re heir to the DeBeers fortune. But if you’re the heir to a company with $554 million in income per year, (thanks Wikipedia!) then you’ll probably have real diamonds on your cake. If you happen to be a descendant of Cecil Rhodes, I’d advise against the diamonds and cake combo; those things chip teeth like the dickens.
Categories: Tiffany, Wedding Accessories, Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend, Diamonds Are Forever, Cake Toppers | 5 Comments »
Best Wedding Cards Ever Invented
June 20, 2007
Dear Internet user who came here searching for a stupid wedding card,
I wish that I could offer you something paper-based. Alas, Hallmark does not produce cards that signify poor marriage choices, disgust at consumerism, or religious quandaries. Fortunately for all of us, someecards.com has produced a line of thoughtful and honest cards that say exactly what’s been on your mind throughout your friend’s disastrous engagement and subsequent decision to walk down the aisle pregnant.
Simply select the ideal wedding sentiment from their line of wedding ecards, or browse a bit and find the perfect way to flirt, send an apology, or just let someone know that you’re thinking of them.
Sincerely,
Abi Jones
Editor, www.StupidWeddingCrap.com
Categories: Awful Wedding Gifts, Wedding Cards | 1 Comment »
Heart-Shaped Soaps in Organza Bag
June 19, 2007
These adorable heart-shaped soaps in a sheer organza pouch seem like a good idea. Well, until you start picturing people washing their armpits with symbols of your eternal love.
Of course, I recently attended a wedding in Michigan and made the mistake of staying at a Motel 6 where there was a)No hairdryer, and b)no soap. Now, I figured that I should bring my own shampoo, conditioner, and random beauty needs, but how the hell is a person supposed to get ready for a wedding without a freaking blowdryer and soap? And don’t tell me that I can use shampoo on my armpits. It does not have the same cleansing capabilities.
I would have totally killed for these soaps.
If you’re truly in need of these soaps, you can pick them up from The Wedding Favor Bar for just $1.62 each.
Categories: Wedding Favors | No Comments »
Like a Candle in the Wind
June 19, 2007
I can tell that George Bush did a terrific job brainwashing everyone during the 2004 campaign because I still see images of John Kerry when I hear the word ‘flip-flop.’ And really, who wants to be bombarded by images of John Kerry every time someone starts talking about summer footwear? I feel like I’m being haunted by puffy gray hair and an enormous chin.
Fortunately for my weird imagination, the folks over at Jessica’s Wedding have figured out a way to combine flip-flops and wedding-favor ideas in a manner that in no way makes me think of presidential contenders. Instead, these flip-flop-style candles have me humming Elton John’s Candle in the Wind and picturing Princess Di.
This of course leads to the pondering of her sons, who are not that hot, but are princes, which has people describing them as hot even though they’re both pretty average-looking and could easily be confused for a couple of frat boys from South Carolina.
If you really, really want these candles, pick them up at Jessica’s Wedding for just $5.95 for a set of four. I do not know if ’set of four’ means eight total sandals (four pair) or four sandals. You’ll just have to try your luck.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Bridal Shower Favors, Bridal Party Gifts, Beach and Island, Seashore and Ocean | 1 Comment »