Archive for July 2007
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July 17, 2007
Admit it, you’ve been thinking about personalized M&Ms since he proposed. Specifically, you’ve been thinking about Tiffany Blue M&M’s. Tiffany Blue M&Ms printed with your wedding date and the names of you and your betrothed.
Well, I hope that your fiance isn’t named Crap, because that’s one word that’s not allowed. In fact, the M&Ms people have an entired guide to what is an isn’t allowed. Here are my favorite parts of the guide:
While we encourage your creativity, Masterfoods USA will not honor a request to print any “objectionable” language, acronyms, symbols, pictures, or any other graphic representation. “Objectionable” means, among other things, anything that (i) is libelous, defamatory, pornographic, sexually explicit, unlawful, racially or ethnically offensive, (ii) infringes on someone else’s patent, copyright, trademark, trade secret or other property right, (iii) is something people would consider harassing, abusive, threatening, harmful, vulgar, profane, obscene, or violent, (iv) would breach a person’s privacy or publicity rights, (v) is a misrepresentation of facts, (vi) hate speech, (vii) encourages others to break the law in any way, or (viii) is otherwise inappropriate.
Have fun with custom printed M&M’S® Candies.
Yes, it ends with ‘Have fun with custom printed M&M’S® candies.’ As in ‘Listen future Mr. Larry Flint, we are not turning our candy shop into your own personalized mini-version of Hustler, but have a good time trying to figure out something witty and inoffensive that you’d like to have on some crazy-expensive candies.’ If you do try to put something obscene on an M&M’S® candy, look out! I got an error message smackdown:
These M&M’S® are not priced for the faint of heart or lean of wallet. The M&M’S® store charges $11.99 for each 7 ounce bag, with a minimum purchase of 4 bags. Add to that a shipping charge of $12.95 (they’re delivered by a unicorn) and you’ve got 28 ounces of M&M’S® for just $60.91.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Bridesmaid Gifts, Bridal Shower Favors, Tiffany, Bridal Party Gifts | 2 Comments »
Maid of Honor Tiara and Necklace
July 16, 2007
According to some wedding etiquette site I found on the Internet, the Maid of Honor is tasked with the following wedding planning duties:
- Help the bride shop for her wedding dress
- Visit reception sites with the bride as a “second pair of eyes”
- Help the bride choose the wedding flowers and reception decorations
- Patiently discuss for the 18 gazillionth time whether peonies or tulips are more romantic
- Shop for the bridesmaid dresses
- Ensure that you are the only person who looks good in the color selected for the bridesmaid dresses
- Ensure the bridesmaid dresses are ordered well before the wedding
- Address wedding invitations
- Forego complaining about hand cramps acquired while addressing 280 invitations
- Help make wedding guest favors
- Purchase, address and send out bridal shower invitations
- Host a bridal shower
- Keep track of the gifts during the bridal shower (who gave what)
- Send out nasty letters to people who gave cheap gifts at the bridal shower
- Host a bachelorette party
- Wear a necklace strung with penises
- Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
- Sleep with the best man after the rehearsal dinner
- Buy the couple a wedding gift
- And anything the bride wishes, within reason
Ok, so there are a lot of those that I made up. I total did not make up the last item. Anything the bride wishes, within reason. No wonder so many Maids of Honor feel so put-upon.
Fortunately, you can do a fantastic favor for your Maid of Honor by knocking two items off of this list. Just pick up this Maid of Honor tiara and penis necklace at BacheloretteParties.com. The tiara is just $8.99 and the penis necklaces are just $3.99 each, making these accessories an affordable way to show your Maid of Honor that you really care.
Categories: Bachelorette Party | 3 Comments »
Bachelorette Party Car Flag
July 13, 2007
The other side of the flag reads:
Pull over this car, one of us is driving drunk on Appletinis!
Also perfect for reducing gas mileage. You know, if you’re the kind of Maid of Honor who hates the environment. You know you are, so don’t even try to deny it.
If you need to announce your loud, suck-for-a-buck-playing presence to the rest of the folks driving on I-95, you can pick up this Bachelorette Party Car Flag for $7.99 (cheap!) plus shipping from Bachelorette.com.
Categories: Bachelorette Party | 1 Comment »
Get thee to The Onion
July 12, 2007
The Onion has an entire archive of hilarious Statshots available. I particularly enjoy this one from 2004 for the Lean Cuisine reference. Did you know that my frozen meal review site has over 50 Lean Cuisine reviews? Yeah, we’ve tried a lot of Lean Cuisine.
You can search The Onion for other wedding stories (which are all sort of depressing) or you can enjoy some of my favorite Statshots, including Worst Selling Girl Scout Cookies and Most Common Addictions. The second is 2 years old, but still relevant to today’s Harry Potter loving society.
Categories: Budgets, From The Onion | No Comments »
Personalized Wedding Mint Tins
July 11, 2007
These adorable little mint tins read “Love is patient. Love is kind.” What’s unfortunate about wedding ceremonies is that nobody reads the verse where Paul informs the people of Corinth that love has an incredible sense of smell.
These little mint tins will come in handy if you’re worried about guest and members of the wedding party offending love with their bad breath. You can pick up these mints for $2.50 a box, minimum order of 30, from Weddings by Dezign.
I wouldn’t mind getting some mints at a wedding, except that I don’t need a tin of mints with a name and date on them. It isn’t as though I’m going to pull these out of my purse some time and think “Where the hell did I pick up these mints?”.
Confession: In desperate situations (interminable industry conference sessions, for example), I have been known to consume entire tins of mints because I am so freaking hungry. I don’t recommend doing that unless you’d enjoy losing major portions of your stomach lining.
Categories: Wedding Favors | 4 Comments »