Archive for October 2007
Next Entries »Champagne Bucket Timer Wedding Favor
October 11, 2007
Have you been putting off your wedding? It could be for a lot of reasons: the outrageous cost of catering, waiting to lose that baby weight, or holding out until you find the perfect favor. If you’re a procrastinator of the highest level, then these favors, reading “It’s About Time! Let’s Celebrate!” are perfect for you. This is the part where I would swear a lot except that I’m pretty sure I made a promise at some point not to swear on this blog.
Showing penis necklace photos = okay, but swearing is out. But this isn’t about penis paraphernalia, this is about tacky favors.
And this egg timer masquerading as champagne bucket definitely qualifies as tacky. This must be a New Year’s Eve favor that’s been ill-categorized by My Wedding Favors. But even as a New Years Eve favor it makes no sense. Who says ‘Well, it’s about time that this year is over’ ? Nobody, that’s who. And who the hell wants to hear ‘It’s about time.’ on his or her wedding day? Also nobody. Seriously, if somebody said ‘It’s about time’ to me, I would punch him or her. Well, not ‘punch’ so much as ‘give a dirty look to’. Unless it was my grandma, because I don’t punch grandmas. Or give them dirty looks.
Of course, me joking about punching grandmas isn’t nearly as funny as the actual text that accompanies this item:
Well, it’s about time these two amazing people got together and made it official.
Yeah, I definitely want an air of defeat to accompany my wedding. “She finally gave in and got married to that guy. It’s about damn time.”
It all arrives, table-ready, in a clear showcase box so your guests can pick up and marvel at their new little gift from any angle. They’ll even love the box itself with its clock graphic and tiny ‘dancing’ tick-tock champagne flutes. (See what we mean about the details!)
Wait, people are supposed to be amused by tiny graphical champagne flutes set at jaunty angles to give them the appearance of dancing? Brides and grooms planning weddings are supposed to be worried about whether or not the guests will marvel at the packaging used on favors? What the fuck, people? Yeah, go marvel at that one.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Vineyard and Wine | 6 Comments »
Denim Wedding Dress
October 10, 2007
Solve that ’something blue’ problem instantly by getting married in this denim wedding dress. Sure, it might weigh a ton, but you have to admit that aside from the color it looks like 85% of the wedding dresses worn by American women. Princess seams? Check. Ridiculous beading? Check. You know, if you live in Montana, this could be the dress for you.
Also, denim is effective in preventing chaffing when you ride your horses to your honeymoon cabin. Oh, and does it actually weigh as much as a drawerful of jeans? Apparently not, one Amie rated it 5 out of 5 spurs and noted:
This dress was perfect for our wedding. It looks much better in person then it does online. the detail is awesome and it is really comfortable and it isnt has heavy as it looks. It made my day perfect.
You hear that? Perfect!
If you need a perfect dress for your wedding, you can pick this up for just $450.00 from Satn Spurs. And don’t worry about saving it for your daughter. You can just have it remade into enough pairs of jeans to last her from grades 1-4.
Categories: Fashion Nightmares | 8 Comments »
Personalized Wedding Favor Shot Glasses
October 3, 2007
If I ever needed a couple hundred glasses (let’s say for the class reunion I’m planning), I’d definitely get them from Discount Mugs. They have fantastic prices on mugs and a huge selection ranging from cheapo stadium cups to fancy schmancy pub mugs. Plus, they have a product designer. And as the customized M&M’s post showed the world, I cannot resist a product designer tool.
For all of these fantastic qualities, there are a couple things amiss at Discount Mugs. The first is the psycho talking person that pops up when you go to the site (don’t say I didn’t warn you). She follows you around with an overenthusiastic approach to mugs. The second problem is that these items are not wedding appropriate.
Handing out personalized shot glasses to all of your guests sort of says “The only way we can stand eachother is when we’re drunk.” It also says “Let’s all get wasted and go home with people that we definitely, definitely shouldn’t be sleeping with!”
Of course, that happens at weddings anyways, so you might as well just forgo the shot glasses and let instinct rule.
The shot glasses pictured are available at Discount Mugs for just 79¢ if you order 10,000.
Categories: Wedding Favors | 8 Comments »
Gown Pics
October 2, 2007
The search engine optimization specialist in me is cringing at the title of this entry. Gown Pics? Are they photos of gowns? Dressy icepicks? Toothpicks attached to tiny bridesmaid dresses? Sadly, the more implausible answer (toothpicks sporting dresses) is the correct answer.
These cute gown pics are available in a rainbow of colors. Each gown pic is made of resin and tulle. These are perfect for bridal showers as well as weddings. The gown pics can be used as seating cards, placecard holders, as well as favors! Purchase with or without attached favors items of 5 almonds, 5 heart shaped sugars, or 5 purse bath oil beads.
I would love, love, love to receive one of these at a wedding! Can you picture all of the redneck cousins using the gown pics to clean out their teeth after the cocktail hour? No need for private oral health care, just get everyone some gown pics!
If you really want some gown pics, you can pick them up at Weddings by Dezign for just $3.50 each with a minimum order of 5. And yes, that price includes 5 almonds or 5 heart-shaped sugar cubes or 5 bath oil beads.
My 10 year old self adored bath oil beads. And my 10 year old self probably would have loved to get a toothpick adorned with a dress. But I’m not 10 years old, an neither are you.
Categories: Wedding Favors, Wedding Decorations, Place Card Holders | 1 Comment »