Archive for November 2007
Taking the Plunge Cake Toppers
November 9, 2007
I have to admit that I have a tough time staying away from the cake toppers. Would you believe that I have an entire file of absurd cake toppers just waiting to be mocked. I’ve been thinking a lot more about wedding cakes lately. Mostly cake and serving logistics. I love logistics and process flowers and nerdy organizational development sort of stuff. When I think about cake serving at a normal wedding, I see a ridiculous bottleneck in an otherwise somewhat smooth eating experience. Sure, I’ll get some cake right away, but the rest of you suckers will just have to hang around waiting for it to be sliced.
For this reason, cupcakes seem like a great idea. Plus, they come in different flavors, are adorable, and can be topped with the best cake topper ever:
Of course, if I had this cake topper then I would have to get some sort of airbrushed blue cake that looked like one of David Hockney’s pool paintings, but three dimensional and maybe a bit less modernistically* depressing. Also, my David Hockney wedding cake would have people in it, a big no-no when it comes to Hockney and California backyards.
If you’re thinking about getting a cake topper that displays the bride as a person with murderous intent, you can pick this one up from Wedding Mountain for $25.98. Unlike the ATV Cake Topper, this one charges the same price for white and non-white figurines. I’m not kidding about the murder thing. Look at the bride on the top. She’s totally all “Ah, now that we are married, I will KEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL YOU!” and the dude is all “Holy crap, I’m going to be impaled on some dried out fondant!” He is also saying “Why the hell am I wearing lipstick? Hmmm?” Ooh, maybe the bride is pushing him off because she just discovered him re-enacting a scene from Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun music video with his gay lover! Now, is that the message you want to send on your wedding day? No, it is not.
But seriously, doesn’t ‘taking the plunge’ refer to both parties taking a chance on spending the rest of their lives with another person? Shouldn’t these people be jumping off the cake together like respectable people committing double-suicide? You know, if you get the non-white one, you can pretend that you’re marrying maiming Barrack Obama. Now I have a sudden urge to track down cake toppers that look slightly similar to all of the other presidential candidates. Finding a short-haired blonde for Hillary shouldn’t be too tough, and Mitt Romney’s got that boring Ken Doll hair that appears on a lot of cake toppers, but where am I going to find a Fred Thompson or a Rudy Giuliani?
*Yeah, not a word. But it would be a great word if it existed. And guess what! Now it does!
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